Fetus, Don't Fail Me Now

The juxtaposition of local news stories in The Greenville News got my attention the other day in a way that the Monday edition rarely does. Normally, Monday’s newspaper is devoid of actual news, as somehow events know not to occur on a Sunday. It’s so thin you could hardly line your bird cage with it. So, when I read “fetus” and “abortion protest” on the same page of newsprint, I just had to keep reading.

The abortion protest which took place Sunday on Woodruff Road is not what I would consider newsworthy. Here’s the abridged version: some holy rollers from the small town (Anderson) came to the big city (Greenville, which is really just a bigger small town) to condemn our sinful lifestyle, and they chose one of our main thoroughfares to garner more attention to the horrors of murdering the unborn. Well, holy rollers, I got some news for you. We sinners don’t even do abortions in this town, unless they are of the hush-hush back alley wire hanger/stomach punching variety. And even if we did, which we don’t, we certainly don’t do them at the Barnes and Noble on a Sunday. So why waste your time and ours harassing Sunday shoppers with your graphic posters and empty baby strollers? If you want to protest abortion, I suggest you pack it up and tootle on down the interstate to the capital, where the only abortions in this state are actually performed. And save it for a weekday. No one is murdering babies on the Lord’s Day in South Carolina.

I have witnessed this little protest before, when out on a Sunday afternoon with the family. I recall my youngest daughter asking what an abortion is. I was impressed she could read the sign, and told her so. My husband was more direct, saying, “Oh, don’t pay any attention to them. They’re crazy people.” He dismissed the protesters and the question at the same time, which saved me from having to explain something I didn’t care to discuss over pizza at Whole Foods.

On to the fetus article. It turns out that a fetus was found at the water treatment plant on Sunday. I am somewhat skeptical about this news as well. Is it really that rare of an occurrence? I would think that amidst the many used condoms, goldfish corpses, and prescription drugs that are flushed on any given day, a fetus or two would not be that uncommon. But apparently this was a rather developed fetus, one which deserved an autopsy and full media coverage. The follow-up story the next day did lessen the shock by saying it was in fact a stillborn, not older than eighteen weeks, weighing less than a pound, and having no chance for survival, even prior to being flushed. There was also some concern about finding the fetus’s owner, but also doubt, as what woman wanted to step up and claim that miscarriage as her own? Maybe it was one of those unfortunate ladies who didn’t even realize she was pregnant, like on that TLC show. Maybe she thought it was just a really good bowel movement.

I liked that those two news stories ran next to each other on the page, but I think the paper should go one step further and combine them. The small town religious protesters should move their demonstration to the water treatment plant. It seems that is the only location in town where fetuses are found outside their host bodies. It sounds like the ideal place to mourn their passing and raise awareness for their cause. I like to think I am not the only one who wants to see an anti-abortion rally as much as I want to know what’s fished out of the water at the treatment facility. Which is to say, not at all.