Sitting down to write is always a lesson in focusing and tuning out as much as it is about the process of actually writing. I usually have a bunch of ideas in mind, wondering only if I am able to construct them into an essay rather than a snarky Facebook status update. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, although, truth be told, I don’t. I am a stay at home mom. Either everything is funny, poignant, or hmmm-producing, or nothing is. Sometimes I drive home from errands thinking about calling a friend and realizing that I don’t have anything to say. So I drive on, frowning to myself. I doubt it is any different than the doldrum life of an office worker. In fact, I know it isn’t. I used to be an office worker. That was boring too.
Wanna know what I did today? That depends on if you are having trouble sleeping.I could tell you about going to the gym, as I sometimes do. Nothing rib-tickly happened there today. No one fell down in the kickboxing class, although I was tempted to roundhouse the woman behind me who had an issue with invading my personal space. She even put her water bottle on top of my sweaty towel, so I did not feel bad when I bent over and dripped all over the mouth piece. Yoga afterwards was nice and peaceful. Nothing to report there either. I do wonder though if I am the only one who sweats like a pig in that class. It’s not hot yoga, it’s only room temperature yoga. Maybe I am still sweating from the combat class. It was nice and stretchy and I enjoyed it very much, thank you.
Next I went to Whole Foods. I secretly wished for free samples of something because hell, I just did two classes at the gym. Nothing free today. Just grocery shopping and my usual seventy something dollar tab. So I drove home. I ate lunch. I tried to not eat any chocolate. I talked to my friend MJ on the phone, who also didn’t feel like working and had very little to say. I took a shower, I started a load of laundry, and I sat down to write.
The house is empty, so you would think it would be an ideal time to write, but again, not so much. I am listening right now to a carpenter bee trying to eat its way through my window pane. I can’t see the bumbly fucker, but I can hear it, buzz buzz, like a tiny little dental drill. I can even see the pile of sawdust or whatever the hell it is outside the window. You know how you can’t sleep when you go camping outside in the summer because of that mosquito hum in your ear? Try writing with a carpenter bee outside your window.
If that wasn’t annoying enough, add the two cats that live in my house. They like to sleep a lot, but not when I try to write. It’s like they know I am working, much like my husband or children do. All I have to do is tell my family I am going to write and for the next hour it’s “Mom” this and “Mom” that. The cats have their own version of irritating me. It involves running up and down the steps, down the hallway, and over the furniture, chasing each other in a complete circuit of both floors of the house. When one of them gets angry, there is hissing and growling. When one of them can’t find the other, there is howling and meowing. And when they wear each other out, they find me and lounge across my desk or nibble on the plant by the treadmill. Bees buzzing outside the window. Cats chewing leaves on the floor. Sounds peaceful, doesn’t it? Right now, my big tuxedo tom cat is making bedroom eyes at me while making biscuits on my monthly planner. Did I mention he purrs like a jackhammer? Do lions and tigers purr? It’s got to be quieter than my cat.
If that weren’t distracting enough, how about listening to the washing machine upstairs? I l have an upstairs laundry room, which I love for convenience but fear for the potential of flooding. I can’t think of another sentence right now because I am listening to the basin fill up with water. I hope it stops soon. It hasn’t ever overflowed, since that is the toilet’s job, but still, I hope it stops soon. If I don’t formulate a thought shortly, it’s going to be time to put the clothes in the dryer.
Did I mention how loud the fan is on my laptop? Jesus, it’s like a wind tunnel in here. Who can concentrate with that constant droning? Buzz, purr, slosh, hum. What was I saying again? Oh yeah, something about writing. Which I would love to do, but now it’s time to meet the school bus.
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