She Said Yes!

Have you heard the news? Barbie and Ken are finally getting married! I know, I was surprised too. I never thought he would pop the question, certainly not to Barbie anyway. But there they are, sharing the same cardboard box in their own special display at Target. I always assumed both Ken and Barbie secretly fancied GI Joe, with his close cropped hair, rugged beard, and hot camouflage attire. But Barbie needed someone less blue collar to be her life partner. After all, she has a lot on her plate. She is a busy modern gal, but with her busy social calendar, surely it will be nice to have a legitimate escort to accompany her. Think of it, no more nights alone in the Dream House, wishing a man would call. No more solo cruising on the Party Boat. No more driving around by herself in the glamour convertible. Plus, she will have a live-in stylist with her. Who better than Ken to offer Barbie some fashion advice?

Truth be told, Barbie doesn’t really need Ken. She has her own car, her own house, and more jobs than I can remember. She has been everything from a flight attendant to a teacher to a doctor. Hell, she has even been a mother and a bride. But never before has she actually been a fiancée. How many little girls have played with their Barbie bride, wishing that Ken would actually ask her to be his, instead of just wearing a tux and looking uncomfortable? Anything is possible in Barbie’s pink world, even a marriage of convenience.

And Ken, poor Ken. Even though he has been Barbie’s companion for years, his sexual orientation has always been called into question. Sure, it’s easy to stereotype him as gay. He hasn’t aged a day in over fifty years. He is neat as a pin. He was born with that six-pack, and while he has had some unfortunate haircuts over the decades, his winning smile and boyish good looks haven’t faded. He has had to take a back seat to Barbie forever, much like Oprah’s Steadman, also a lifelong bachelor whose sexual preference is tabloid fodder.

I bet after all those years of rumors and innuendo, Ken just asked Barbie to marry him so that everyone shut up and leave him alone. I hope it works better for him than it did for Michael Jackson.