Maybe We Need to Read More

How do you decide what is appropriate for your children to watch on television? Is it a conversation you have with your husband or with your children, or do you choose based on the TV rating system or word of mouth from other parents?

It’s easy when kids are young. They have a choice of preschool shows that are tied into toys and clothing at the local Walmart. You become instantly aware of what they like and don’t like based on what becomes an obsession, thanks to clever marketing. But as your kids get older, it’s not so easy anymore. What you find on kids’ channels might still be over their heads, or have a level of violence, or yes, even romance, that might make you uncomfortable. By the time they hit double digits, it’s even tougher. You have probably moved on from watching shows with them, opting instead to leave them to their own devices while you play on your laptop or iPad. Chances are good that if you sat down and watched their shows with them, you might not like what you see.

My kids grew up on a steady diet of SpongeBob Squarepants, which is still the default if nothing else is on. I stopped watching television with them when I could recite the words from all the episodes, and sometime between that moment and today, they have moved on from Nickelodeon to the edgier and more mature Cartoon Network. Cartoon Network used to show things like “Powerpuff Girls” and “Johnny Bravo.” Now, it’s “Adventure Time” and “The Regular Show.” Have you ever seen either of those? They aren’t shows for kids in elementary school; they are shows for college aged kids taking hits off a bong. Sometimes the plot lines disturb my tween, as she still has hope for a happy future, and that doesn’t always mesh well with a post-apocalyptic life in a world filled with talking cinnamon buns and tiny sexy elephants that bake apple pie.

But whatever, they’re kids’ shows, right? I don’t like to watch those shows with them, so lately we have been branching out into regular television. Even then, our choices are pretty limited in terms of what’s age appropriate, and it seems the more we watch, the more explaining I have to do.

“Modern Family” is popular in my house, because my kids love the gay couple. Remember watching “Happy Days” when you were a kid? They didn’t have a gay couple. They did have a philandering rebel with a penchant for dancing and show tunes, but I’m pretty sure Fonzie wasn’t gay.” Laverne and Shirley” also seemed harmless, even though Laverne was a floozy who only cared about getting laid. Wait a minute, maybe television was always bad for kids.

Sometimes, for variety, we delve into the world of reality television, which is generally where my discernment gets a little hazy. I don’t like to watch the dancing or singing shows, and I don’t want my kids to watch the dating shows. I can only force them to watch so much PBS or Animal Planet before they rebel.  Which leaves us with Discovery and The Learning Channel. 

The other night, my teen and I cozied up together in front of the television to watch a new episode of “My Strange Addiction.” This is a show that can vary from week to week in terms of how appropriate it is, but my own fascination tends to cloud my judgment. So there we were, watching a woman who is addicted to black market butt injections and a young man, most likely a virgin, who is infatuated with his entire collection of pool inflatables, one of which he considers his wife, a beauty of a yellow dragon raft. My husband walked in and wanted to know what I was thinking, letting her watch “that trash.”

Hmm, what was I thinking? Did I think it was funny that these people are obviously mentally ill? No, because if that were the case, we’d be watching “Hoarders” too. No, it’s more about the sensationalism, the putting themselves on display for the whole world to see. I might be addicted to chocolate and cuticle picking, but you don’t see me on television showcasing it for all of America. My teen is smart enough to get that, by the way. She knows it’s not right to make fun of people, but a lady who‘s had like forty butt injections is a sight to see. And honestly, her ass was still smaller than a certain judge on American Idol, so don’t tell me that show is more suitable.

The truth is, quality programming is a thing of the past. Now, it’s all about what’s cheap to produce, which explains the plethora of reality shows that cover everything from extreme sports to parking lot valets. At least we stay away from violence, like, say, professional football. Bad language isn’t even a deal breaker anymore, since my kids hear worse at school than what can be broadcast on TV. And to some degree, the more excessive and ridiculous the behavior my kids see on TV shows, the less they find such displays enticing. They realize so much of what we see is catty or demeaning or just plain stupid.

And when they don’t, I have to bring them back to reality. When I found out my teen watched an episode of “The Bachelor”, I counteracted it with a documentary about the oppression of women around the world, “Half the Sky.” When my tween sees women in a cat fight, I quickly suggest a viewing of “My Fair Lady.”

What I am suggesting is that you take a moment as a parent to sit down and watch a little television with your kids. Think about what they are seeing, what message they are receiving, what information they are storing for later, even into adulthood. Find out why they watch what they do when you aren’t around. Engage them. I like that approach much better than walking into the family room and declaring their shows crap or forbidding them from watching certain things.

And I still have plenty of time to teach them how to pronounce schadenfreude.