A Lot of Crap at Sears

So, back to my nephew’s birthday gift, and the mall. If you remember from last time, I was not able to get SM the game he wanted, but it was allegedly due to arrive at the store the same weekend my nephew came to town. I knew he would love to visit the store anyway, seeing as how they had all those wonderful figurines and other fantasy items one would normally find at a mineral and rock store or a head shop.

After eating too much for lunch at the Indian buffet, we, meaning my sister, LM, my daughters, E and S, my nephew, SM, and I, stuffed ourselves into my SUV and headed over to the mall. E and S were happy to go, as they are the kind of girls who don’t mind shopping if they think there might be something in it for them. It's easy enough to bribe them with some earrings from Justice or a clearance shirt from Hollister, so they were content to come along.

I parked near the entrance where the game store is, tucked away in the unpopular little leg of the mall that it shares with a cheap walk-in hair salon and an off-name jewelry shop, right near Sears. We went in the store and looked around. Immediately, SM decided he needed to go to the bathroom. After the monster lunch we had, I wasn’t surprised that someone didn’t have to poop right away. I asked the cashier where the nearest restroom was located, and she told us to head over to Sears.

The five of us rushed to Sears and discovered the bathroom was in the farthest corner of the store from where we were, sandwiched between the optical center and the photography studio. SM entered the men’s room, and the rest of us went in the ladies’ room. It was a nice enough public restroom, better than one would expect of a Sears, with a well-lit waiting area and reasonably clean floors, so we did our collective business and met back up in the waiting area of the optical center.

SM, feeling refreshed, wanted to head back to the game store, but I convinced him that it would be more efficient if we strolled the mall looking for the other stuff and finished up at that shop, since it was on the way out. He reluctantly agreed and we all sauntered about, trying hard to not lose each other in the Saturday afternoon crowd. We looked at shirts, we found some earrings, and sampled some nauseating tea. By then, SM had asked about a gazillion times when we would go back the game store, S complained about walking, E didn’t want to talk to anyone because she didn’t like any of the shirts at Aeropostale, and LM and I couldn’t remember why we agreed to go to the mall on a weekend with three kids.

When we got back to the game store, SM looked around again. This time, S had to go to the bathroom right that minute. I grabbed her hand and rushed her back to Sears. We made good time, considering we already knew where the bathroom was, but when we got there, the door was blocked by a couple of Hispanic kids pushing around a shopping cart. Well, the kid doing the pushing was about two, and she was trying to push it into the ladies’ room. The other kid, a boy of about ten, was trying to stop her. Since our polite excuse me’s, spoken in English, did not seem to be understood by the two, we forced our way around them and entered the bathroom.

That’s where we found the rest of the Hispanic family. The mom was busy changing the diaper of the smallest of the children, but not on the Koala station changing table. Rather, she opted to stink up the waiting area by using the upholstered seats. Behind her was her oldest daughter who quietly observed her other two siblings, a pair of girls younger than four who were busily washing their flip flops in the sink and drying them under the hand dryer. S scooted around them and found an empty stall. I told her I would wait outside, and tried again to avoid the shopping cart duo outside the door.

S joined me when she finished, which was moments before the Hispanic mom came out with her gaggle of children. She put the three smallest ones inside the shopping cart and pushed it, leaving the three older kids to follow behind her. In the whole time I saw her, I did not hear her utter a sound to any of them.

“There are six of them,” S whispered to me. “How can she take care of six children?”

“I don’t know. I bet it isn’t easy,” I said, demonstrating my mad filtering skills.

“I wouldn’t want to have five brothers and sisters,” S said.

“I wouldn’t want to have six children,” I answered her as we walked through Sears.

S and I got back to the game store in time for SM to decide he needed to yet again go to the bathroom. E rolled her eyes a bunch, and we found a dirty sofa on which to sit and wait while my sister took my nephew, yes, back to Sears, for yet another bowel movement. They were gone for a good ten minutes, and when they rejoined us, my sister declared her mall shopping/pooping experience to be over.

“I’m done,” LM said. “I am ready for a nap.”

“Did we even buy anything? Find a penny, need a penny,” I said.

"Give a penny, take a penny," LM finished, laughing.

“You got me earrings,” S replied.

“I feel like we should have at least purchased something small at Sears, seeing as how we desecrated their restroom repeatedly,” I said.

“I want to look in the game store some more,” SM said.

“No!” LM and I yelled at the same time.

“We’ve already been there three times,” E whined.

“But I never got to finish looking,” SM said.

“Another time,” I told him. “Like when we haven’t eaten a buffet lunch. Anybody need to go to the bathroom before we get in the car?”

No one answered me.