Picture this, if you will: my daughter "Alison" getting ready for her shower. She takes off her clothes and puts them in her hamper. I am sitting on the toilet, peeing. (Yes, it is germane to the story!)
Alison: Mom, I need to use the stain stick.
(I love Stain Stick. I use it all the time. I have one for the laundry room and one in my bathroom near the hamper. I even pack it when I travel. It even gets out Frosty stains!)
Me: Why? Did you get something on your shirt at dinner?
Alison: No. I have a stain in my panties.
(Let me stop here and remind you that "Alison" is seven. A stain in her panties pretty much means one thing. Typically I throw those tainted ones away, unless they are one of her faves, in which case I scrub them so much they could be crotchless when I am through with them.)
Me: Have a little trouble wiping, did we?
Alison: No, Mom. It's not that.
Me (getting concerned): Well, what is it?
Alison: It's a pee stain, like a stripe. A stripe of pee.
(I know what is on her panties. And it isn't pee.)
Me: Oh, don't worry about that. It's not pee. We don't need to put Stain stick on that.
Alison: If it's not pee, than what is it?
(I have no idea how to answer this one. I don't think things through very well, as evidenced by the following.)
Me: That? Oh, that. That's just vaginal discharge.
Alison: Discharge? What's discharge.
(I am still sitting on the toilet. Alison is standing naked on the other side of the bathroom, and she is desperately trying to look at my panties to see if I too have a stain. I quickly pull them up and stand up.)
Me: Hmmm, how do I explain this?
(Self cleaning oven? Lubrication? Snail trail?)
Me (again): Okay, let's see. You know how your nose makes snot? To trap germs and dirt and kind of keep things moist and happy? Well, vaginal discharge is kinda like that.
Alison (eyes real big): Vagina snot?!?!
Me: Yep. Sort of. Yep.
Alison looks at me again, then falls on the floor laughing. She stumbles out of my bathroom, giggling all the way to her room.
I doubt this is the last I will hear of what is in her panties.
1 comment:
Stop, I can't breathe! I really lizzed that time! Mind you, I read these from the most recent post backwards.
Post a Comment