A Lame Reference to "Poltergeist 2"

Homework is always a pain the ass, especially since I graduated in 1987 and still find myself doing it. My two daughters are both in grade school now and I have to go back and forth between first and third grade homework to help them. Of course, I prefer the first grade work, as it is not taxing, kind of like the crossword puzzle in my local newspaper. Usually my girls and I keep busy with daily practice of spelling words and math problems, and yesterday while we waited for piano lessons was no different.

What was different was the homework the mom next to us reviewed with her kids. I may have mentioned before that a number of the moms at our piano studio have their children indoctrinated at Job Bones University, which begins its, er, brainwashing, at conception and lasts until your first beer, gay experience, or jungle fever date, whichever comes first. Well, this mom of three quizzed her daughters at the same time I quizzed mine.

I called out spelling words to S, my six year old, " bib...limp....crib."

The other mom called out bible verses," Psalms, 3:29." (I am making this verse up. I don't know if there even is a Psalms 3:29. I know John has a 3:14, but I still don't understand what it has to do with football.) After they discussed the fact that none of them understood the significance of that particular verse, they moved on to rote repetition.

"Lap...did...sit," I said.

"Who made you?" she asked. "God did," her children parroted back to her. "And why did He make you?" She followed up with what I thought was a trick question. "For His Glory!" they shouted.

My daughter, S, looked at me with one eyebrow raised, a fairly sophisticated facial expression for a six year old. The questions continued in that fashion for a while, and I called out words louder to try to protect S from this display of holiness. I waited for a worm like creature to slither out of one of the kids' mouths, muttering "God is in His holy temple," but it never happened. At least not while I was watching.

My kids don't learn that stuff at Montessori. My oldest daughter, E, learned about historical timelines this week, such as the Prehistoric Age and the Stone Age. Where are the cavemen in the Bible? I guess the old Old Testament. Perhaps next week we will sit in the car while waiting for piano, where I can better protect my children's ability to think freely.