Abstinence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Last week, my 14 year old daughter started the sex education unit in PE at her middle school. The school was smart to schedule it in winter, so they could use two weeks that are too cold to go outside to discuss one of the world’s favorite indoor sports. Unfortunately, we live in South Carolina, and unfortunately, the educators of this state don’t believe in teaching about sex. I don’t know why they bother, especially since what they teach to sixth graders is almost exactly what they teach to eighth graders. It doesn’t seem like the best use of anyone’s time, now, does it?

I’m still trying to figure out why this stuff is not part of the science curriculum, especially the way they teach it here, as there is nothing physical about sex ed. I have a feeling they flipped a coin and the PE department lost. No matter, really, because nothing is being taught, so it doesn’t matter if they miss a week or two of four square and kingpin. I just find it amusing that the one class that requires students to disrobe is the same one that discourages it.

As with every other year since the fifth grade, my teen likes to report back what she didn’t learn in sex education. I like to start our conversations with a little joke to lighten the mood, usually about how they split up the class in couples or if the test is going to be oral. Now that she is fourteen, she gets all the jokes, but I do have to remember that technically she is still a child, even with her young woman’s body and raunchy twelve year old boy mind, and no, I don’t wonder where she gets it from. I try my best to keep it on the clean side of dirty.

It turns out she isn’t the only one who gets the jokes. Her whole class, girls who have pretty much all started their periods and have also sat through the waste of time that is sexual education in South Carolina, realizes there is nothing new to be gleaned from the third year of learning about abstinence. And if they have to sit there, not learning anything, they might as well have some fun.

Not the kind of fun you are thinking of. After all, it’s abstinence education. In our state, the girls are told they have to abstain from sexual activity until marriage. The boys are told it’s normal to have urges, but they should still try to abstain. Mind you, there is no education on how to abstain, if such a thing exists. I pity those girls who have no plans to marry.

The only thing my child has learned in sexual education is that she isn’t the only one who thinks the whole thing is a joke. Every day, a different girl raises her hand and asks a question their female PE coach isn’t allowed to answer. And it’s fabulous. She doesn’t want to discourage them from asking questions, but by Friday, I am sure she will no longer recognize any hands in the air. Here’s a taste of some of the more thought provoking questions:

Um, oral sex, is that like a blow job?

So, is it okay to masturbate with a magazine?

What other kind of sex is there besides oral, vaginal, and anal?

Does anal sex always hurt or only the first time?

Is it easier to learn how to do it if there are mirrors on the ceiling?

And my personal favorite:

Can you break a penis?

After each question is asked, the PE coach then has to provide an answer without actually answering. Her response was usually a version of “I am not allowed to answer that” or “I am not supposed to talk about that” or “I am not authorized to use that word.” Her hands were tied, but not in a good way. Sometimes, she started her answer with a head shake or a small chuckle, and this is a woman who generally doesn’t even smile.

At one point, in the course of not being able to answer any questions, she explained that the panel that decides on the curriculum has to have anywhere from two to six ministers, since they are experts on both sex and public education. Makes sense to me.  Kudos to her for not losing her cool, and extra kudos to the class for trying to make her.

Next year, my daughter will be in high school and most likely take physical education again. She told me that rumor has it in high school, they pass around condoms and talk up the birth control. What a difference a year makes.